Hello Holidays

The Holidays and Single/Stepmomhood

We’re one and a half months into this 9-month deal. It’s been a whirlwind. Time flies so fast when you’re in the hustle and bustle routine of getting the kids to school, driving to work, coming home, getting dinner going, packing lunches, bath/bed time, rinse and repeat. At the same time, it stands still. I look back and think, “How on earth as this much time gone by? We’ve done so much!” Then I look ahead and see a long way to go and it’s disheartening. I think the lesson here is, again, fixing the mind on what is good. In this case, it’s all that the Lord has done rather than what hasn’t happened yet.
This month and a half have had its frustrating, and yet laughable moments. My past headaches have made what should be difficult moments ones to laugh at. Just like the woman in Proverbs 31 laughing at what’s to come, I look at it with a “bring it,” attitude because it really is so small in comparison. You guys, I really cannot make this stuff up. We’ve had my kids’ bus and schedule being changed without any sort of notice multiple times. Those were fun. We’ve had our teen girls on each others’ last nerves for taking each others’ stuff without asking. The beagle, Lucy, found every loose board in our fence and made a break for it every chance she got. We have a school that makes zero accommodations for a new ADHD child unless you have a pediatrician’s signature behind it, and so I’m running from appointment to appointment to get an MD’s autograph for 504 meeting. We have kids all around testing boundaries. Our AC officially went out and needed to be replaced. Oh, and Halloween happened lol.
The best parts were being able to show up for my kids, making a choir concert, making a basketball game to watch my kid cheer, making my baby’s first field trip ever, witnessing a breakthrough in my kids’ therapy session, seeing the happiest faces on Halloween, and sending Daddy a care package. I also managed to find and fix all the loose boards in our fence, so Lucy the beagle is staying put. Our HVAC has been replaced just in time for this snow! These were really big wins I can think of off the top of my head.
I often think of how difficult this must be on all of them. For our older girls, I can’t imagine living in a house with neither one of my parents. It’s something I have never had to live and I take that very seriously. Especially as the holidays approach! I just pray that I have the discernment in my words, correction, love, and instruction for them. It’s an interesting thing this “love” in a blended family. You really have to approach it differently. I’ve been in these girls lives for 6 years, living together for 3, and I can’t just go hug them randomly like I do my own kids. They’re not there, and I respect that. There’s still so much that they are learning and unlearning as they watch me. There’s a lot I’m learning and unlearning too. I will say that we’ve reached a point where we see each other. Like actually see each other. And we extend a lot of mutual grace. I am so grateful for that. This will be the first holiday season for them without either parent. Will it sting? Yes. I am choosing to allow space for that grief if they need it.
As we worry about the future and the unknown, let us shift our focus to reflecting on the wins and the goodness. For wives, moms, and stepmoms, reflect and tell yourself all the good things. Even if the past is rocky, there is still good there and it has upgraded you and made you compatible for anything life throws your way. You are forever equipped and and God will surprise you in your tiredness. I love that. I hope this encourages you today.